Episode Transcript
Tomorrow evening, we don’t have youth service, and I wanted to give our parents and students something beneficial. I know teenagers think about and are dating in our society. Just by looking at TikTok and other media platforms, I see some tendencies that are both healthy and unhealthy. Parents are trying to disciple their children through the sexual tensions of being a Western teenager. It’s difficult because teenagers are nearly adults. We know that they will have to make their own decisions and, ultimately, take their own missteps. They will have to learn their own lessons either by the advice we give them or by going down a path that will hurt them.
The Bible is about the work of Christ. In letters like 1 Peter, the biblical authors tell us about the work of Christ and then apply it—giving us practical advice that not only helps us to honor Christ with our lives but benefits us greatly. In 1 Peter, Peter actually reveals how two people can have a good marriage—a good relationship with a significant other. Peter applied these truths to people who were already married. He did not know what dating was; they didn’t have it. I want to look at Peter’s application and see what kind of advice we have for life, especially when we are young with the sexual tensions and attraction we see in the world around us.
Peter begins with the truth about how Jesus lived. Jesus was never married. He never had a spouse. He never treated women as if he were looking for any kind of sexual relationship. So, the way Jesus lived and related to others applies to all of our relationships, not merely marriage or dating.
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls (1 Peter 2:21-25).
Those who are in Christ are called for “this” purpose, doing what is right such that foolishness in the world is silenced (cf. 1 Peter 2:13-20). If we have been born again, saved, regenerated, called by Christ, we know that He has saved us for a great purpose in this world. We seek to do what is right. By practicing the righteousness of Christ, the world is actually made a better, less foolish, place. Our purpose is greater than merely getting to a place called Heaven. Jesus suffered for our good, leaving us an example of how to live righteously in the world to make it a better place. Jesus did not return evil for evil. He did not react against those who spoke ill of Him. He took a beating in order to save the world. Because He gave Himself up, those people who were straying like sheep have returned to Him—that is anyone who belongs to Christ.
Jesus showed us how to live with a purpose greater than ourselves—a purpose that actually benefits the whole world. When we see Peter’s application, then, we know that he is not being a rule monger or trying to keep people from having fun. The way we are instructed to live actually benefits us, is good for us, will make us happier in this life. Not only that, it will cause us to make our societies better, more loving, and more just for all people such that entire communities, and eventually the whole world, will be a happy place. God’s rules are not arbitrary. They benefit us greatly. Looking at Jesus as our example, Peter makes application.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear (1 Peter 3:1-6).
Peter makes application to women first. Live the same way as Christ lived. People are offended by the word “submissive,” but I would argue that Peter is elevating women because they can live like Christ lived. Christ submitted to the Father, there is therefore a sense in which every Christian is submissive. This is not an offensive idea unless we believe we are in God’s place. In the same way as Christ was submissive, Peter instructs women to be submissive to their own husbands—not to every man and especially not to every potential suitor. When women live like Christ in the marriage relationship, they may actually change a bad husband into a good one. This is not a guarantee, but is is a possibility because righteous living actually affects the world for the benefit of all people.
This is not an attractive way to live from the perspective of the world. We don’t like hardship or suffering of any kind. There may be a time, like in instances of abuse, when separation may be necessary, but understand—Peter is instructing women to live lives that are selfless. Too often, we think that complaining or being loud or critical of others will force them to change. The opposite is true. Men are motivated to be good to their wives when they observe chaste and respectful behavior. To put it simply, chaste and respectful behavior is hott. Rebellious and needy behavior is not—in fact, that is the most unattractive way a woman can present herself—which is why many marriage relationships are strained to the point of divorce. Men are not without responsibility. Peter is simply addressing women first as a matter of honoring them.
Peter continues by being honest with women about their outward appearances. Adornment must not be merely external. The greek literally means not originating from the outside. Looking cute is not wrong. If that is where your beauty begins, you are going to have some problems in your significant relationships. Wives are not to try to seduce their husbands using braided hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses. If you win a man by dressing, or undressing, suggestively, that is what you will win a man to. You’ll never have a good man because there is a level of attraction that runs deeper than physical appearance. If your beauty begins with your appearance, you will only win little boys who are not interested in being pleased. They are trash, and they will ultimately treat you like trash. They will objectify you because you have objectified yourself in order to win them. In this case, the old adage is true. What you win them with is what you win them to.
Instead of being immodest, sexually suggestive, let your beauty be the hidden person of the heart. Don’t be easy. Make the man work for it. Have a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. Be chaste and respectable. Then, you may win a real man instead of a little boy—or, in this context, make a real man out of your husband. This modesty is precious in the sight of God because it is good for women, who refuse to prostitute themselves for unhealthy attention. It is good for men, teaching them how to grow up and experience attraction in a way that does not fade. It is good for the whole world because it teaches people how to be less concerned about their own pleasure. Living righteously and modestly makes the whole world a better place; those who are in Christ were called for such a purpose.
Peter recognizes that this was the way women once lived before the immodest Greek culture influenced the world. Peter tells the young immodest women that their lives would be better if they were modest like women once were before Greek influence. Next, he addresses the men.
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).
Following the example of Christ, Peter instructs husbands to “in the same way,” meaning that they are to live like their wives and like Christ. Peter does something, here, that is unheard of in Greek society. He makes the man equal to the woman after speaking to the woman first. Men are to honor their wives, understanding that they are physically weaker. They are to treat their wives as fellow heirs, equals, rather than like objects or property. Peter seems to indicate, here, that if men don’t treat women well, God Himself will ignore their prayers.
Understand this, men, when you treat women like objects, as tools to use for your own pleasure, like eye-candy, looking a pornography and not treating women like they are worth just as much as you are in society—taking advantage of them because, in general, they are too weak to resist—God is plainly against you. He will ignore you. You will be left in the dark because God despises that kind of behavior; it makes the world a worse place for everyone. That kind of behavior makes wives feel oppressed. It drives women to seek attention, which can include likes on social media, using their bodies and suggestive dress and suggestive behavior. Yo elevate yourself as if you are the one for whose pleasure the whole world was created. That is a special kind of narcissism.
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For, “The one who desires life, to love and see good days, Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. He must turn away from evil and do good; He must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, And His ears attend to their prayer, But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil” (1 Peter 3:8-12).
Peter sums up his application, quoting form Psalm 34 to show that he is not inventing what he is saying. If you desire life. If you desire to love and see good ole days now, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. God sees the righteous. He listens to their prayers. His face is against those who do evil.
Do you want to have a good life? Do you want to experience the good ole days now? Women, be modest and respectful. Men, honor women. When it is God’s time for you to meet your significant other, you will experience an attraction that runs much deeper than physical attraction and lasts forever. I hope you take this advice. I hope you experience everything a godly significant relationship has to offer.
